


Trust

by stitchingirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Consensual Sex, M/M, Rating: M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:26:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28041630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stitchingirl/pseuds/stitchingirl
Summary: Castiel worries he lost Dean's trust after the Attack Dog spell.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42
Collections: Destiel Writers & Readers





	Trust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dandyxrandy](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=dandyxrandy).



Trust

He remembers swirling dark smoke surrounding him, his ears ringing from the howling wind. Glancing around, he hopes for some idea of where he is, but the only thing he can see is more dark smoke. Where the hell is Sam? Did he get swept up in the rolling fog as well, as trapped as Dean seems to be? Should he call out for his brother? Is there even anyone to call out to? 

The woman seems to appear out of nowhere. One second he’s alone, the next she’s standing a few feet in front of him, her back to him. Cautiously he steps towards her, finally calling out to her, asking her what the hell is going on? He doesn’t know how he knows, but he feels sure that she holds all the answers to his questions. She slowly turns, looking at him from the corner of her eye. 

She offers no answers, watching him silently. The roaring has died down, and he can hear Sam calling his name. Suddenly there is sunshine, and he’s blinking as he returns to consciousness. Where the hell had the smoke and the woman gone? Standing shakily, he grabs Sam’s arm for balance, looking around in confusion.

A field. Somehow he’s ended up in a goddamn field. But that still doesn’t answer his questions of where the smoke and the woman disappeared to. He hates the look of concern Sam shoots him, quickly asking about his car before his brother can press for answers he doesn’t have. Sam doesn’t look reassured and tells him the car is a mile away. 

Confusion washes over him again. A mile? He had somehow been transported a mile away? Was it the smoke? The woman? Both?The last thing he remembers is sitting in the Impala, watching in silent horror as rolling smoke barreled towards them. He had told Sam to hold on, already sensing they were in for a rocky ride. Then the smoke and that now familiar roaring had swallowed them up, and there she was, the woman. She had been standing right in front of them, calmly watching them. He had leaned closer to the windshield, trying to get a better look.

Then he had just suddenly been standing all alone, surrounded by that damn smoke. Neither Sam, the Impala, nor the woman had been in sight. He had then realized it didn’t matter if she hadn’t revealed herself. He knew who she was. The Darkness. The troubling question he couldn’t figure out was why. Why had she saved him? What did she want with him? 

He tells Sam he thinks she had saved him before they trek back to find the car. Naturally, Sam is full of questions and has no more answers than Dean. He tells Sam that she had thanked him. This he remembered clearly. He had been the one who bore the Mark, even if Sam had been the one to say the spell that removed it and set her free. It had been him she had thanked, and Dean had felt her energy, which sure hadn’t done anything to reassure him except confirming she was, in fact, evil. 

He vows they will find a way to stop her.

His surroundings slowly returned to him, hearing Sam’s droning but still caught up in the memory. “So, that was the last of the neighbors, just like the rest.” Dean heard him distantly but the memory refused to allow him to fully pay attention. 

“Dean? Dean!” Sam said his name firmly, hoping to break through his brother’s thoughts. 

“Yeah,” Dean said after a few minutes, not really a question.

“You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Dean answered quickly, perhaps a little too quickly. He squirmed in his chair, glancing quickly to his left where Cas was sitting at the next table, still wrapped up in the grey blanket. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

Sam wasn’t entirely convinced, but they had greater issues at the moment than his brother’s distraction. “So as I was saying, we got nothing. No one saw anything unusual going on at the house the day the baby disappeared.”

The baby… right. That was the topic at hand. Dean opened his mouth to reply, but Cas beat him to it. “If this is truly the Darkness we’re talking about, it’s more of a time bomb than a baby,” Cas said, his deep voice sounding strong despite Rowena's spell on him. 

“Yeah, but it is still a baby, right?” Dean managed to organize his thoughts enough to add. “I mean the Darkness I saw was an adult, so it still has to… grow up.” Now they knew the missing baby was, in fact, the Darkness, it still didn’t tell them where she was or explain his conflicting feelings about her. 

“The Darkness is almost infinite power,” Cas answered, “I’m not sure what ‘growing up’ means in this case.”

“Well,” Sam interjected. “God kicked this thing’s ass once before, right?”

Dean wasn’t sure if ‘thing’ properly explained who the Darkness was, but he wasn’t really sure what to make of her either. “Yeah, it’d be nice if he put down the mai tai and show up for work,” he snarked, getting up 

“I wouldn’t count on it,” Cas said. 

“It’s possible he’s around closer than we think, you know?” Sam told them, always the optimist. 

“What makes you say that?” Dean asked, getting up to retrieve a couple beers from the mini fridge in the library. Sam had initially scoffed at the idea, jokingly questioning Dean’s need to be within easy reach of alcohol at all times, refusing to admit in the end that the idea hadn’t been that crazy. 

“I believe he made a fairly definitive statement when we walked away,” Cas said, standing up, his blanket still around him. His attempt at walking was halted by the chains still attached to his ankle. Cas sighed softly, glaring at the chains. 

“Sorry about those, Cas,” Dean quickly told him. He hated having to use them, but seeing Cas so out of control from the Attack Dog spell had scared him. “Till we know what’s going on with you, you’re still a bit of a wild card, you know?” he tried to explain, hoping Cas understood it wasn’t personal but for the safety of everyone. Tossing a beer to Sam, he sat back down. 

“I hate to point this out,” Sam started. “But you both know who we might need to help deal with the darkness. 

“Don’t even say it,” Dean warned, pointing threateningly at him. Yeah, they needed help but he’d be damned if it would be Metadouche. They really didn’t need to be kicking that hornet’s nest again. 

“He was God’s scribe,” Sam tried pointing out. “He did hear about everything.”

“That’s just like saying it,” Dean sniped at him, refusing to even acknowledge the idea. 

Cas suddenly growled, squirming in his chair. The look on his face was one of pain and discomfort. 

“Cas, you all right, pal?” Dean asked, looking at him worriedly and cautiously. 

“It’s the spell,” Cas grunted in between growls, swallowing softly.

“We were hoping your angel wiring would fight it off,” Sam said. “Or… slow it down at least.” He seemed to be as much at a loss as Dean was. 

“It appears I simply respond differently from humans.” Cas’ face was still scrunched in discomfort, but he wasn’t growling at the moment. 

“If you were human, you’d be gone,” Dean said, unsure why he had to say that. The last thing he wanted was Cas in pain or gone. “With you, it’s like it’s digging deeper.”

“You know, Rowena’s the only one who can remove it,” Sam reminded them. 

“We’re doing everything to find her, okay?” Dean snapped. He didn’t need to be reminded just how important it was to find that ginger-haired bitch. “But so far we got nothing.”

“Well, it’s getting worse,” Sam stage-whispered, as if Dean really needed reminding. Every zing Cas felt from the spell had Dean wincing sympathetically. Sam hated seeing Cas being affected by the spell too, but he knew it was much worse for his brother. They hadn’t really said they were together, but Sam wasn’t blind either. Cas’ whimpering and the chains rattling tauntingly as he moved echoed softly. Sam wished there was something he could do to make the situation easier for his friend. 

Both Sam and Dean continued their search for more information on the Darkness or where Rowena might be holed up with little to no results. Finally Dean thought of contacting Crowley. After all, the demon seemed to have a knack for knowing things, so just maybe he knew where his mother might be. Especially since she was determined to see her only child dead. 

Pacing as he dialed the number, he prepared himself for Crowley’s usual snark in lieu of a greeting. Instead, the phone just rang continuously, frustrating Dean more with every unanswered ring. “Come on, Crowley, pick up!” He demanded as if Crowley would be able to hear him, although he wasn’t putting it out of the realm of possibilities. “I’ve left you a dozen messages.” Sighing, he hung up, glancing down at his phone. “Why isn’t he answering the phone?” He asked, not really expecting an answer.

“Because he’s a dick and that’s not breaking news,” Sam gladly stated the obvious. 

Dean huffed in response. “He’s gotta have Rowena in his sights, right? I mean, she did try to take him out.” He walked behind Cas, forcing himself not to reach out to touch him. 

“He’s not going to deliver Rowena to us just so she can lift the spell,“ Cas told him glumly. “He’d rather let it do whatever it’s gonna do to me.”

Dean tried not to picture exactly what ‘whatever’ might consist of or how much pain it would cause Cas. The poor angel already was sweat-drenched, something he didn’t know angels could even do. “He’s gotta be up to something.

“Yeah,” Sam nearly scoffed. “Again, not breaking news. “Metatron is also off the grid,” he informed Dean, looking back to his laptop. “He stole your car in Blaine, Missouri, right?”

“Yeah,” Cas answered, nodding once.

“Yeah,” Sam repeated. “Uh, no accidents, incidents, violations, or anything remotely interesting involving a crappy ‘78 Continental Mark V.”

“You think it’s crappy?” Cas asked defensively. 

Neither Dean or Sam answered as they glanced at each other in question and worry. Would Cas be further under the spell’s effects when upset, or in this case, insulted?

“Eye of the beholder,” Dean answered for Sam, hoping it was enough to soothe Cas’ obviously ruffled feathers. Sam safely agreed with a soft “yeah” as he began typing and Dean sat down.

“A shut-in for centuries, former Scribe of God. You wouldn’t think he would be a good driver,” Cas commented. It might have been comical at any other time.

“You know what?” Sam asked, dismissing Cas’ comment. “I’ll look for unusual occurrences at places he might hang out. Dean agreed with a single wag of his finger at Sam.

Dean looked back over at Cas, noting he didn’t look any worse after Sam’s comment about the car. Definitely not what he called better, but at least he wasn’t growling or in discomfort, although he wasn’t answering Sam’s question either. 

Sam’s eyebrow lifted slightly, calling out his name. Cas managed to look at him.

“Places metatron might hang out,” Dean repeated the question. 

“Um,” Cas said, tilting his head back slightly as if the answer was floating in the air above him. Clicking his tongue softly before telling them about Metatron’s love for waffles. 

“Okay, so, every restaurant in the entire country,” Dean said. He had moments of simply forgetting just how literal the angel could be. He had definitely come a long way from being the stiff hard-ass he was when Dean met him in that abandoned barn seven years earlier.

They remained quiet again as Sam typed on his laptop. The silence broke when the spell began digging into Cas again, groaning and gasping with his eyes clenched closed tightly, catching both their attention. The moment Cas thrashed about in his seat, Dean said Cas’ name, hoping it would help, feeling stunned as he watched Cas’ thrashes becoming more pronounced and falling to the floor, Dean felt all the air leaving his lungs. What the hell was happening to his angel? 

Both of them rushed to Cas’ side, Dean laying his hand on Cas’ shoulder. Helplessness and fear washed over him, continuously calling out Cas’ name with no reaction. After a few long minutes (had it been minutes? It felt like hours), Sam tried saying Cas’ name again, hoping to get him to respond. Dean’s heart was racing, unsure what to do to help but unable to move either. Cas’ eyes slowly opened, looking at Sam.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked, ignoring Dean’s glare. Of course he wasn’t okay. Who would be after that?

Cas rolled onto his back, panting heavily. “Relative to what?” He asked in between pants. 

Dean nearly laughed from relief, hearing Cas’ voice. “You know where you are? What’s the date?” Who the fuck cared about the date? He wanted to pull Cas into a tight hug, making sure he was truly all right, but he didn’t know if it would be welcomed at the moment, especially in front of Sam, who Dean was sure didn’t know about the two of them. 

Slowly exhaling, Cas looked at him as he simply answered, “Earth. Several billion years from the beginning.”

“Come on, buddy,” Dean told him, pulling him to sit up, Cas groaning loudly. 

“It was like I was… inside a blender,” Cas started. “That was set to puree for a tomato salsa.”

“And you’re the tomato?” Dean asked, trying to mask his worry, both his hands on Cas’ shoulder. 

“In this analogy, yes,” Cas agreed. 

Sam shot Dean a quick bitch face for the stupidity of the question before returning his attention back to their friend. “Cas, what was that? You scared the crap out of us.”

“I blacked out for a lot of it,” Cas told them, not looking at either one. “But I… I don’t know. It overwhelmed me. I… I couldn’t control it,” he said angrily. 

They managed to get him back up in his chair, Dean telling Sam they needed to find that witch as he bent down to pick up Cas’ blanket. Naturally, Cas asked what he could do to help but Sam squashed any ideas Cas may have had, telling him to sit there and take a breather. Dean quickly hugged Cas from behind under the pretense of wrapping the blanket around him. 

Cas groaned in pain, clutching his head. “It’s difficult with these voices.”

Dean quickly removed his hand from Cas’ shoulder, wondering if a second round was approaching. “Now there are voices?” Sam asked slowly.

“Are these voices telling you to hurt someone?” Dean asked, stepping away. 

“No,” Cas sighed wearily. “I’m-- I’m hearing Angel Radio. It’s a lot of chatter. They’re… they’ve been looking for me ever since I escaped, as well as scouring the Earth for the perp.” Noting both of their confused expressions, he mistakenly took it for not understanding the words themselves. “It’s slang for ‘perpetrator’,” he explained. 

“Ah,” Dean said, not really sure what to say. 

“Yeah, thank you,” Sam said, equally confused. “Um, a-any… ‘perp’ in particular?”

“Metatron. They’re doubling the effort to find him, so… if we need to get hold of him, we better do it soon.”

Dean agreed as Sam quickly got back to typing, finding an article about a disturbance in a restaurant, a waiter stabbing and killing someone. Dean called up the local police, asking who the lead of the Cafe Elta investigation was. Sam shot Cas a look of sympathy before leaving the two of them alone to get suited up. Cas squirmed in his chair, trying to get comfortable as Dean squatted down beside him.

“Look, I hate doing this, but I think it’s best if you stay here,” he told Cas softly, his hand resting on Cas’ thigh. 

“No, I agree,” Cas nodded in agreement. “But, Dean, I want you to promise to be careful. If this, in fact, is Rowena, there’s no telling what you’ll be walking into.”

“I got Sammy watching my back,” Dean squeezed his thigh slightly in reassurance. “When I come back, I’ll make you some of that tea you love so much, okay? Maybe we can watch a movie or something. There’s still a pile you haven’t seen yet.”

“I’d appreciate that,” Cas smiled, laying a hand on top of Dean’s. “You’d better get changed before Sam returns.”

Dean gave him a quick kiss and a soft stroke to his hair before heading down the hallway. Sure enough, Sam showed up a few minutes later wearing his suit, coming over to sit next to him at the table. Despite everything that happened over the years, he truly felt lucky to still call the younger Winchester ‘friend’. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sam asked him.

“Yes, thank you, Sam. I’m not better, but I’m not worse either. I think whatever happened is over. But I have my phone in case I do need Dea-- I mean, both of you.” He blushed at his near blunder. Dean had been adamant about Sam not finding out about them. At least not yet. And Cas promised he wouldn’t say or do anything to jeopardize that, even if it meant temporarily lying to Sam. 

“Good. I mean, that’s good that you’re not worse. If you wanted, you could do something while we go talk to the witness at the station. If you feel up to it, that is,” Sam said gently.

“I’ll do anything to help,” Cas encouraged. 

“Great. I’ll write out directions for how you can use my laptop to locate a vehicle. That way we’re looking for both Rowena and Metatron.”

“What about Crowley?”

“Let us worry about him, all right? Right now, you’re too much of an easy target for him.”

Cas agreed as Sam grabbed his laptop and a legal pad to write down simple directions for him as Dean returned, “So, we doing this or what?”

“Yeah, give me a minute,” Sam told him, still writing. “I’m having Cas look online for Metatron’s car.”

“Dude, I thought we agreed we didn’t need him?” Dean said, glancing at Cas long enough to give him a small smile. 

“Dean, Cas will be here for however long he has to be chained, all right? It won’t hurt for him to at least look. Besides, Cas has said he wants to help and this’ll help,” Sam explained, looking up at him.

“Whatever.”

Some time later, Cas decided to use Dean’s laptop instead for his search, feeling more comfortable with it than Sam’s. Reading the directions out loud, he proceeded to look for the car, but before he could read any of the results, the screen closed off. Confused, he hit a few buttons that he believed he’d seen Dean hitting when it happened to him a few times. Instead of the information he wanted, up popped something called Fortune Nookie with a phone number listed along the bottom. Cas was confused as to what two scantily dressed women had to do with Chinese food, as well as wondering if the owner was aware of the misspelling of cookie. A female voice informed him the site was for all his Asian girl fantasies. But he didn’t have Asian girl fantasies, not when he had Dean. Having had enough of the woman’s voice, he closed the lid to Dean’s laptop. Perhaps Fortune Nookie was something important to their search for Metatron or Rowena, something Sam forgot to include in the directions. He decided to ask Dean once they returned. 

Any further concerns about Fortune Nookie were dashed when he felt the spell taking hold of him again. Remnants of memory from when Rowena cursed him came rushing to the surface. Thankfully he didn’t have any more convulsions. Feeling worn out, he folded his arms on the table, laying his head down on top of them. He must have dozed off since the next thing he knew Dean was gently shaking him awake. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas greeted him softly.

“Hey, you okay? You were sleeping.”

“I had another memory from when Rowena cursed me. Crowley was there as well, and I tried attacking him.”

“Well, don’t worry, okay? Sam’s got her shackled in the dungeon. So, we’re gonna question her and get her to undo all this. So, just hang tight, okay?” Dean told him, stroking Cas’ hair again.

“Tell Sam I was unable to find anything about Metatron’s whereabouts. But something called Fortune Nookie was mentioned, but I’m not sure what that is exactly. Could you ask him for me, Dean?”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly, feeling himself blushing. What the hell? Sam was getting Cas squared away on his laptop, not Dean’s. And how did Cas even get it? His chains didn’t reach that far. Sam had to have given it to him. Fucking great. Now he was forced to try to get himself out of this fresh hell of Cas’ curiosity. “Uh, I’ll… I’ll explain it later, okay? But r-right now I can’t. I..uh… have to-to go. Now,” Dean stammered, still blushing, as he quickly left the library. 

Cas had escaped. How wasn’t as important as where to. Thankfully, he had turned on Cas’ phone’s GPS awhile back which was now proving to be helpful. Dean soon found him in a warehouse, already attacking a woman, her screams loud enough to attract Dean’s attention from outside. Thankfully, he was able to convince Cas to release the woman before he had a chance to really harm her. He had no idea what the next step was except for trying to convince Cas to come back to the bunker with him. Unfortunately, Cas wasn’t open to that idea, attacking him instead. Or kicking Dean’s ass if the bruises were anything to go by. Just as quickly as Cas had attacked, it was over. The next thing Dean knew Cas looking at his hands in confusion, still growling. Hearing additional voices, he looked up to see Sam standing in the doorway with his gun pointed at Rowena’s head, reminding her about witch-killing bullets. A little bit more Latin and it was over. At least until another seizure overcame Cas and Dean was once again forced to watch helplessly, petrified that she had only made things worse. 

Cas finally stopped shaking, but it did little to quell Dean’s fear. Cupping Cas’ cheek, Dean tried rousing him gently. Finally he was greeted with blue eyes looking back at him, Dean swallowed his fear as he helped Cas sit up. Sam quickly excused himself, mumbling something about finding another way out since Rowena had taken advantage of their worry for Cas to escape and lock them in.They heard Sam moving about in the distance. Cas didn’t move nor did he try meeting Dean’s eyes. 

“What happened? I thought you understood why we had to restrain you?” Dean asked, trying his damnedest not to sound accusatory. 

“I..I don’t know,” Cas sighed, keeping his gaze down to his lap. “The last thing I remember is talking to you before you went to question Rowena. I felt the spell growing stronger and then… I’m… hurting you.” Cas quickly glanced up, reaching out to touch Dean’s arm. “Dean, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me,” he rushed the words out.

Dean grabbed him by the sleeve of his trenchcoat tightly. “Listen to me, Cas. I’m fine, okay? Just bumps and bruises, okay? You’ve kicked my ass before, all right? There’s nothing to forgive. I’m just glad it’s over. I hated seeing what it was doing to you.”

Any further discussions were thwarted by Sam’s return, informing them he’d found a back door but it was securely locked. Cas glanced over at the metal security gate for only a moment before it suddenly sprang open. Dean shot him another concerned look. “Cas…,” he said softly.

“It was just one gate, Dean,” Cas explained. “I’m not fit for battle but I am able to open a gate. Unless you wish to stay here.”

Dean scoffed. “Sure, we’ll make a fire and braid Sam’s hair.” He counted it as a win when Cas chuckled softly. “C’mon, let’s get you out of here.’

Both Sam and Dean helped Cas outside before deciding Dean would wait with Cas there while Sam went to retrieve the Impala. On impulse, Dean shouted out to Sam about being extra careful with driving her. The streets were quiet as it grew later, the air growing a bit more chilly. He wrapped an arm around Cas, making sure he was warm. It wasn’t too long before they heard the rumble of the Impala’s engine a few minutes before she came into view. Hopping out, Sam helped Dean get Cas settled in the back seat before sliding into the passenger seat.

By morning, they had Cas safely tucked away at the bunker, and the curse truly seemed lifted. Sam refused to hear any of Dean’s protests about icing his head, insisting that a cold beer was not the cure to everything. Easing himself into a chair in the War Room, Dean kicked his feet up on the adjacent chair, sighing wearily. Cas kept quiet, taking Dean’s silence as a sign that Dean was upset with him. Sam returned a few minutes later with the promised beer as well as ice for Dean’s head and advice to keep it on until it melted. 

“Thanks, Mom,” Dean snarked, picking up his beer, glancing sidelong at Sam as he sat down. “Why don’t you just keep the beers coming.” It was more of a statement than an actual question.

“Dean,” Cas started slowly. “There aren’t words…,”

“You’re right,” Dean cut in. “There aren’t words. ‘Cause there’s no need. You were under a spell. It's fine.” Picking up the ice pack again, he continued icing his head. 

It didn’t sound fine, sounded anything but fine, in fact. “Yeah, but you had Rowena,” Cas pointed out. Because of me, you…” He was unable to finish the sentence. Once again, he had messed up the Winchesters’ plans, and once again it had been Dean who paid for it. 

“You know, Cas,” Sam tried, “we got the Codex. That’s a start. You know, it’ll slow Rowena down some. If we’d killed her, the Book of the Damned would’ve been lost.”

“Besides, we got bigger fish to fry,” Dean reminded them, lowering his ice pack once again. 

“The Darkness,” Cas said. “What does she want?

“Well, the big question is; where in the hell is she?” Dean turned in his seat, wiping his lower lip with the back of his thumb, groaning softly. 

“Dean,” Cas quickly stood up. “I can fix that.” He could at least fix Dean’s pain even if Dean was rightfully angry with him. He had to try to make amends somehow. Not as an effort to satisfy himself, but as a way to prove to Dean he hadn’t meant to hurt him. 

“No, no, no. It’s fine, Cas,” Dean protested gently, holding a hand up and pulling away. “Besides, I had it coming.” He looked up at Cas pointedly. 

Cas watched sympathetically as Dean reached for the ice pack, once again sitting at an angle in his chair. Cas sat back down heavily, pondering Dean’s words. It hadn’t been disgust with him Dean was feeling, but embarrassment at the reminder of when it had been Caswith the bruises when Dean still bore the Mark. Despite how readily he had forgiven Dean for that, it seemed Dean hadn’t yet forgiven himself. 

Sam remained quiet, glancing between the two. Words weren’t needed. It wasn’t long before Sam politely excusing himself to continue with this research, leaving Dean and Cas alone.

Dean stopped icing his head, the towel water-soaked with the melted ice cubes. He went to the kitchen to clean up. Noting that Cas hadn’t joined him, Dean took a few steps towards the War Room, seeing Cas still in the same spot, his head bowed slightly. Dean didn’t get many chances at just watching the angel, and he wasn’t about to let this chance go. It still took Dean by surprise, the changes in their relationship. He was in a goddamn relationship with an angel. How the fuck did that even happen?

He knew Cas sensed him staring, his head still bowed. Dean never apologized for the moments when Cas caught him staring since Cas was equally guilty of such moments. This relationship hadn’t always been easy but damn if it wasn’t worth fighting for. He still thought back to his year with Lisa and Ben. He had done the right thing, asking Cas to scrub their memories of him. He hadn’t regretted that decision, but it reminded him how stupid he had been to think he would ever be able to truly walk away from this life. He hadn’t wanted to drag either of them down with him. In the end, he knew it had been right to walk away. But things were different with Cas. Cas was in this life with him.

Dean still thought of Cas’ numerous resurrections as miracles, not sure what he would do if the time came when he truly lost Cas. That wasn’t something he wanted to think about, but this life was full of surprises and plenty of death. He was prepared to go down swinging at any time. Hell, he had done just that. But the minute Cas became his, Dean wanted as much time with Cas as he could eke out. He’d had a taste of what domestic life was like, unsure if it was something he would be able to have again. But he wanted to give Cas that too if he could. 

He startled, feeling a hand on his shoulder, hearing Sam’s soft chuckling when he stepped further into the kitchen to retrieve another beer. Blinking, Dean glanced towards the table, surprised to find that Cas was gone. Where had the angel gone? He turned to look back at Sam but he was gone, too. What the hell? Did everyone just leave him all at once? 

“Try your room,” Sam called out, hearing Dean’s footsteps as he approached.

“What?” 

“Your bedroom. Try there. Cas didn’t say anything, but that’s the direction he was headed.”

“You know, uh, Sam,” Dean started saying. 

Sam held up a hand to stop him. “I know, Dean. You don’t have to say anything, all right? Just do me a favor.” 

“What’s that?” Dean asked, hesitant to find out what that ‘favor’ might be.

Sam looked him in the eyes. “Let yourself have this.” 

Dean blinked, tempted to play dumb, but Sam knew him too well. He wasn’t exactly trying to talk himself out of the relationship with Cas so much as trying to talk himself into believing he deserved it. That for every shitty decision, every hurdle they jumped over, this was what he deserved. That he was allowed to be happy, despite the shitstorm they were facing. 

Wordlessly, Dean made his way to his room, the door standing ajar. Slowly pushing the door the rest of the way open, he was greeted by the sight of Cas sitting on the bed. His trenchcoat was off, hanging neatly over the back of the desk chair, and he was watching Dean.

“You okay?”

Cas didn’t answer but Dean knew he’d heard him. He stepped into his room and closed the door. Neither of them said anything as Dean came to the bed and laid down, gently pulling on the back of Cas’ shirt, indicating for him to lie down too. 

“Something on your mind?” Dean asked softly, keeping his gaze towards the ceiling.

“Do you trust me?” Cas asked just as softly.

Dean turned his head to look at him. “What?”

“Trust. Do you trust me… still?”

His heart stopped momentarily. Was the spell returning? Did Rowena trick them into believing the spell had been removed. “What are you asking?”

“Is that why you refuse to let me heal you? Because you don’t trust me anymore?” He stubbornly avoided Dean’s eyes.

Dean turned towards him, sitting up on one elbow. “Is that what you think? That I don’t trust you? Cas… I trust you with my life, all right? Outside of Sammy, there’s no one I trust more. What can I do to prove it to you?”

Cas turned his head slightly to look at him. Instead of answering, he leaned forward to kiss Dean, slowly at first until there was no longer any doubt lingering between them as the kisses grew more passionate. Cas loved this man with everything in him. Nothing in Heaven or on Earth would ever compare to what he felt for this man. The one he had been sent to rescue from the depths of Hell. All his time spent observing humanity had done little to prepare him for Dean Winchester. He wasn’t the devout religious man that Jimmy Novak had been. Dean was full of anger and stubbornness, but Cas saw the beauty of his soul like no other. The need to protect his loved ones, Castiel himself included, as well as his courage and his strong sense of what was right. These were the things that had made him fall in love with Dean Winchester. It had taken Castiel by surprise when he realized his feelings for the man. It wasn’t unheard of for angels to fall for humans, despite it being forbidden. Castiel now fully understood the saying, ‘the heart wants what the heart wants’. And right now, all he wanted was to be with Dean. To feel him from the inside, knowing neither of them wanted anything more than they wanted each other. 

Dean gently rolled Cas onto his back, never breaking their kiss. His fingers fumbled slightly as he undid each button on Cas’ dress shirt, moving his mouth from Cas’ lips down to his neck, licking at the skin over his pulse point before moving further down. Cas’ soft moans encouraged him as Dean began kissing the exposed skin of Cas’ chest, trailing his tongue towards Cas’ right nipple, the tip of his tongue teasingly stroking around the tip of the stiff nub. Cas moaned louder in encouragement, Dean smiling at how much he was turning on his angel. Dean’s left hand stroked Cas’ stomach, his fingers trailing along Cas’ ribs, chuckling as he felt Cas flinch under his hands, pleading for no tickling. This time was for their pleasure. Tickling games could wait. Moving his hand away from the sensitive ribs, Dean expertly unzipped Cas’ pants, snaking a hand inside, pulling his underwear down to wrap a hand around Cas’ quickly stiffening cock. A louder moan escaped from Cas, writhing slightly in pleasure. 

“Oh, Dean… please! Please…,” Cas begged.

“Tell me what you want, angel,” Dean whispered.

“You! I want you! Please. Please.”

Dean loved when Cas begged him, would never get enough of hearing that pure desperation. With his free hand he started unbuckling Cas’ belt, removing his hand from inside to tug the pants down. Cas lifted his hips, gathering the fabric where he could reach in an effort to remove them as quickly as possible. Dean reached over towards the nightstand, opening the top drawer for the bottle of lube while Cas shimmied out of both pants and underwear, dropping them on the floor by the bed. Bracing his knees on either side of Cas, Dean took off his flannel shirt as well as the tee shirt underneath, tossing them to the floor by where Cas’ discarded clothes were, biting his bottom lip with anticipation. He loved when Cas kept the bright white dress shirt on while the rest of him was naked. A personal challenge to see if they could actually make a wrinkle or two in the fabric. 

“Do you want…?” Dean asked, feigning innocence.

“Yes,” Cas answered quickly. “I love when you do that.”

“Trust me?” Dean whispered.

He didn’t really need Cas to answer that out loud to know he did. But underneath all this, Cas still worried it was Dean who didn’t trust him. He saw Cas’ lips form the soft answer “Always”, but he was too mesmerized by those lips to really hear the word. , Dean knew he didn’t need any further words for Cas to finally believe he hadn’t lost Dean’s trust. This wasn’t about earning trust but the need to reconnect as well as losing themselves in each other. 

Dean’s left leg nudged Cas’ leg, indicating for him to open wider. Cas’ blue eyes were wide and watching as Dean opened the lube bottle with a soft pop, dribbling a quarter size amount in the palm of his hand before spreading it along his index finger. Reaching next to him, Cas grabbed the pillow, lifting his hips up so Dean could slide the pillow in place underneath the small of Cas’ back. Inching on his knees on the bed, getting himself in place as Cas brought both knees closer to his chest, wrapping his arms around them, needing to hold onto something while Dean would be prepping him. God, how he loved this, Dean determined to pull every scream out of him. No doubt without his grace to help him, Cas would come the second Dean’s tongue dipped inside him. The only sound was Dean’s continued undressing, his jeans tossed aside. Laying down at the foot of the bed, Dean maneuvered into place right by the pillow so Cas’ ass was within reach. His clean hand gently wrapped around Cas’ cock again as the lubed finger began circling just outside of Cas’ hole, stroking as well as teasing, Cas’ grace made it so preparation wasn’t necessary, but it was more for Dean’s reassurance that he wouldn’t be hurting Cas. 

Dean’s hand stroked Cas’ cock too slow to do anything but add to the teasing that his finger was doing to Cas’ hole. Moans as well as conflicting pleas escaped as Cas grabbed fistfuls of the comforter underneath them. Pleas for more as well as begging for him to stop teasing. Dean chose to listen to the pleas for more, finally bending down to flick his tongue along the edges of Cas’ hole, stroking Cas a little faster. 

“Dean! I want…,” Cas moaned, unable to finish his thoughts. “I want… I need…” He tried again unsuccessfully. 

Dean knew exactly what Cas needed, feeling himself hardening at Cas’ pleas. He gave a few more teasing licks before thrusting his tongue inside him, Cas’ moans growing louder as Dean stroked him in unison with rimming him. It had taken Dean a couple times of rimming Cas before getting used to the fact that there was no other taste besides just pure cleanness, which was a taste all of its own. It was the taste of just Cas. 

He slipped his lubed finger inside of Cas as well, causing Cas to cry out in surprise. Moving his hand, he fingered Cas, his fingertip grazing Cas’ prostate, causing another series of loud cries to fill the room. Dean stroked him at the same pace as his hand fingering Cas. 

“I want to come!” Cas cried out desperately. His grace kept him from coming unwantedly but he allowed himself to feel every blissful second of Dean’s mouth and finger. “

For a few more minutes, Dean didn’t move until Cas shouted his name loudly, pulling out his finger, not needing to wipe his fingers clean. He gently wrapped Cas’ legs around his waist, slipping his cock easily inside him. His eyes closed, the feeling of Cas enveloped around him. Rocking against Cas started slowly before Dean’s pleasure had him moving faster, his moans increasing in volume. He wasn’t going to last. He knew he wasn’t going to last, calling out Cas’ name. He nearly swallowed his tongue at the sensation of both his balls being rolled. Oh, fucking god! He tried telling Cas to conserve his grace rather than worrying about him but he was rendered speechless, crying out loudly, nearly a shout, as he came hard, Cas clenching around Dean as his own orgasm overtook him. Dean caught himself on both hands to keep from flopping down on top of Cas, who just pulled him down anyway, kissing him softly on the lips.

“I swear you’re gonna be the death of me,” he panted heavily, moving off Cas to lay beside him.

“What a way to go,” Cas teased, chuckling at his own joke.

Dean draped an arm over his eyes, his breathing slowly returned to normal. Neither one of them in a hurry to move. 

“Dean?” Cas asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Huh?” He started drifting to sleep in sated bliss.

“You still haven’t told me what Fortune Nookie means.”


End file.
